Waiting & Wishing

After a long time of talking and debating, Joel and I have decided to share some news with all of you! And no, we are not pregnant, so you can go ahead and breathe now. This is something we’re skeptical about sharing with people, but we’re at the point where we feel that nothing bad can come from sharing this difficult and sometime uncomfortable news with our close friends and family. If anything there will be more people behind us supporting us and praying for us. So here it goes…

Joel and I got married August 8, 2008. Shortly after that I started to feel like I wanted children ASAP and not wait until we’re married for a year before trying. Joel was not thrilled with the idea because he didn’t feel ready, so I gave up on that for a few days. Then a couple weeks later I felt that anxious feeling again, so I brought it up to Joel and after much begging and pouting, Joel agreed to start trying after we’d been married for 9 months (May 2009). I decided I could handle that. But then a week or so later, I changed my mind, due to that same anxious feeling… I could NOT wait that long!

So I brought it up to Joel again. He was now getting frustrated with me and thinking I never wanted to wait a year before we thought about children. That didn’t sit well with me of course and my feelings were hurt, but still… I felt the need to start trying NOW! Joel being the sweet and giving man he is, agreed to start trying after 6 months of being married (February 2009). I decided that 6 months was better than 9 months and definitely better than a year, so I once again agreed to this and thought, “Ok, this is a fair compromise. I can, for sure, deal with that.”

You guessed it… A few weeks later, I again felt like 6 months was still too long to wait. I decided, through much internal struggle, that it was important enough to me that I should bring it up to Joel again. So, that is what I did… same thing happened as my previous attempts… Joel still wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but lowered it down to 3 months. I did NOT relent this time. I wanted to start trying now. So Joel gave in b/c lets face it, I’m way more bull-headed than he is and I wasn’t going to let go of it. Joel decided that if that’s what I wanted and that’s what would make me happy than that’s what we’d do… start trying to get pregnant. By now, it was mid-October 2008 (2-1/2 months after we got married).

From my previous comment stating we’re not pregnant, I’m sure you’ve added up that we have been trying to get pregnant for over 16 months now! It has definitely been the hardest thing we’ve faced as a couple so far. It is extremely difficult to want something so bad and not get it. Especially a thing so precious, divine and something you’re called upon to do “multiply and replenish the earth”! If you know me at all, you know how much I LOVE children and how I’ve only ever wanted to be a mom. But this is our trial right now and something we’re growing stronger from as a couple. And no worries… Joel does want children now and is even glad we started trying when we did.

To help us figure out what the issue is and why we’re unable to conceive, we started going to the doctor a month ago (we could’ve started going sooner, but we kept being hopeful, thinking “this month we’re going to get pregnant”).

I have had some blood work done and my ovaries and cervix checked and all seemed to be normal. I did have an appointment this Monday, March 1st to have a 21-day Progesterone test which measures the hormone involved in the female menstrual cycle. Well I got the results yesterday and my count was low so they have decided to put me one Clomid (the first treatment step for fertility). I will try this for a few months and repeat my Progesterone test April 7th to see if the Clomid is working. For more on Clomid, go here. Joel is supposed to get a semen analysis to rule him out as a factor to our fertility issues. Hopefully that takes place next week… poor guy!

We are hopeful and know that there is a child out there waiting to join our family! Whether we get to have our own children or whether we need to adopt to start our family, we look forward to becoming parents and giving that child(ren) all the love we have b/c there is a lot of it.

Looking back on this whole experience, I know that it was the Spirit prompting me to talk to Joel about trying to get pregnant earlier. At the time I even thought I was being greedy and just wanted a baby b/c that’s what I wanted, not necessarily b/c it was the right time for us. But I can say, without a doubt that is not true. Heavenly Father provides guidance, even if it’s through a whispering voice, of what we need to do. I know this struggle is happening at this time in our life and marriage for a reason, even if I’m unsure of what it may be. We look forward to the future and ask if you have any extra prayers to send them our way.

Also, I do not want anyone to ever feel like they cannot share there good news with us when they get pregnant! We're nothing but happy for people when they find that amazing news out. It is definitely difficult to hear, but we want to celebrate with you. We would never wish this struggle on anyone b/c it is not easy or fun to deal with. A special congratulation to all our friends who are expecting! We are immensely happy for each of you!

***P.S. – I hope this wasn’t an over share for any of you, especially as I talked about anatomy and certain tests.